Category: Let's talk
Yeah. Wasn't sure where to start with this one, or where to put it but here we go. Having a really crap time of it of late, with one thing and another so I'm curious. What do you guys do when you've had a gutsful and just can't handle stuff any more?
Cheers,
Simon
i curl up in a ball and cry.
seriously though, i keep telling myself that it will get better. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i have had one hell of a past year. well year in october. and there were several times i felt like giving up. i did my pity party thing. and then i pulled myself back together and with the love, help, and support of a great family and some awesome friends, life is much better now and back on track.
i don't know what is going on, but you've got a friend here who will lend that shoulder and will support in anyway i can.
music always seems to help me. when i'm having a bad day turning it up loud and singing helps me think and straighten things out a bit too.
let me know if i can help.
lol well you already did, so hugs for that. and music's a great idea too. i play as well as appreciate it, so might grab the guitar later on and see what happens. Could turn to the folks I guess, although like a lot of other people they have their own shit to deal with lol so not sure about that one. Guess it's like you said really. Ya just gotta role, roll? Ah whatever one it is, with the punches and try again. And thanks as well for the offer of support, I really appreciate that one.
Cheers,
Simon
Some how, I get through all the bullshit...don't know how, I just do somehow.
You know Margurp, my first reaction to your post was, Jee, that's really helpful. But to be honest it was. It made me chuckle anyway, so thanks.
I've had nothing but health problems for the past seven years. There were times when I wanted to give up and just stop taking care of myself altogether, figuring no one would give a damn if I lived or died. But somehow I've gotten through it all and am still hanging around. And recently I've reconnected with an old school friend who, for some reason, really cares about me and calls almost every day to cheer me up. So good friends really do make a difference. And like Pipi said, sometimes just cranking up the music can help too. Good luck with whatever you're going through and if I can help, let me know.
Wow, margorp, that was so deep, I don't have words to say how it impacted me. *Grin*
Simon, I try to find people to talk to. Friends are often more helpful than my family, but sometimes family can be a comfort, too. I listen to music, the genre depending on my mood, and sometimes I dance to the music I'm listening to. the motion of dancing helps me work off energy. I journal, which helps me get thoughts out. I don't censor what I write, since so often we have to censor what we say. When I had a cat, I'd go cuddle it. Pets are great for that. And I don't know your religious beliefs, but I pray. You can call it prayer, meditation, whatever you want, but you know what I mean.
Meditating while listening to soothing music helps me find piece from all the stress. I'm sure it will help me keep my sanity this upcoming semester in school. lol
Well! I was just writing out a reply to this topic in notepad, and notepad obediently deleted my text for me. God only knows how, so let's try this again.
Hugs Becky, that's so true about good friend. And I certainly have some of those. Health issues isn't something that's alien to me either, and it aint fun that's for sure. I don't know your particular circumstance but you shouldn't have to feel alone through anything, let alone illness. That's wonderful that you have regained contact with your friend, I've gotta say it, good on ya. You can as well, count me in if you need someone to swear/yell at or whatever lol. Think you know what I mean.
And yeah music is a good one too, something I use quite a lot.
Sister Dawn, just lmao. And agreed lol.
Yeah, my folks are great but ... sometimes a friend is a better option, without wishing to be unkind to my family.
Journalling is another great idea, and I do have an lj account which is very under-used of late.
Dancing however, isn't an option for me really. Largely due to the fact that I dance like a retard and if anyone came over and caught me rocking out in my lounge I'd have to kill them.
Praying is certainly an option too though. Something I need to do more of actually. Throw your burdens on him and all that...
Joanne, meditation is another good one and I can see you using that while your at school, or at least while you're going through the school year, if that makes sense. Remember too though that we're all different, so cut yourself some slack if you need to take a bit more time doing something, and give yourself a big pat on the back when you ace it, grin. You'll get there though, whichever way it happens.
All of you thank you so much for your support, that really means a lot. This that I'm going through right now isnt' going to ruin me or anything, but it .. can get somewhat of a challenge to deal with shall we say, so this advice is very much appreciated and welcome. Thanks again.
Cheers,
Simon
As a usician/listener, I can't say enough about the power of music to heal. As trite as this sounds, I try to make one of the first thoughts I have in the morning to make today better than yesterday. It really helps my mindset in terms of how I'm going to face the day-to-day bullshit I know is coming. Whatever your religious/spirritual beliefs happen to be, I put a lot of stock in the serenity prayer as well. I know these thoughts are just random, but I'm functioning only on one coffee so far. Ditto to those who've ofered to be here for you too, simon. Best of luck.
Lou
Thanks Lou, I really appreciate that. And that's great advice too. Looking on each day as what it is, a brand new day, and trying to put yourself in the frame of mind that you're going to have a better day than yesterday, is definitely a good thing to do. Reckon that's what I'll do.
Okey dokey then, time to catch that bloody horse and get back on.
Cheers,
Simon
aah, too late to catch that horse, I already killed it, marinaded itin garlic and had a feast, you're welcome to the leftovers though.
Like a song called "Bad Day", it's by one of those American pianist type guys, sounds a lot like Train (the band, not the transportation vehicles) but it's not them, once I find his name I'll post it and I recommend you retrieve the song (via legal means of course), lyrics are good. Loads of people say, just think of all the ones who are worse of than you, personally, it doesn't make me feel any better, now I just feel bad and unthankful too, so it never worked for me.
Sadly, you just get through it somehow, I had to deal with cancer, job that I hated, stressful pregnancy (no, not mine, ;) my wife's obviously), moving country, fighting social security etc, it's just about never giving up and knowing that you will get a lucky break from time to time, for me, somehow, all of these things have worked out, cancer into remission, healthy and happy child, accepting that social security sucks and their aim is to keep you unemployed, found a better job etc, and I think if you hold on long enough (please do not insert a stupid allegory about a mouse in cream making cheese or something here) things will turn around, "It's all Messed up, but We'll survive" (quote from Our Lady Peace - Life).
One can often write bloody good songs too when a wave of frustration is washing over ya, I also resort to a glass of wine to chill at the end of the day sometimes, but alcohol isn't for everyone ;) and just a glass or two, a bottle will make it worse + a hanover in the morning *grin*
cheers and best of luck with things
-B
Wildebrew, if we're thinking of the same song, you're referring to Bad Day by Daniel Powter, pronounced like Powder.
re horses, that got me thinking. Simon, are you near a riding stable? as someone who works with horses quite a bit, i find being around them soothes the spirit inside. i often find that when I connect with a horse and that horse wants to be with me just because the horse feels it's good to be with me, i can forget everything for a few minutes and focus on talking to the horse. I can't explain it better than this. If you spend time with horses, and one in particular reaches out to you and you to it, when the connection is made you will know about it. Seriosly though, and I am serious about this, working with horses is the best thing I ever did. focusing on getting to know a personallity which is instinctivly ready to run from you and communicating to that creature that you are no threat to the time when the horse wants to be with you just for being you is time consuming, but amazing, as you graduate from the horse not wanting to know you, to coming up to you, to letting you stroke him or her, to putting their nose up to yours and blowing at you. Btw, the correct response here is to blow back with the force of breath, no more. the horse is communicating with you, kind of hi, how are you? Your response will make or break the moment. Get that right, and maybe, just maybe, the horse might give you a hug. I'm not joking when I speak of horsey hugs either. the horse rests its head on your shoulder and closes its eyes, while you stroke its nose. that's a horsey hug. the process is quite intense, as a lot of concentration is needed, but it is possible to communicate with even the most nervous horses. that's just a thought from me on this matter. as for getting through the day when I'm not at the stables, well I write quite a bit. putting myself into another world is a good thing to do for a few hours. take care.
Remind me not to come round your place for a burger wb, grin. Seriously some great advice there. And that's a great song yeah. I reckon that's what I will be doing. Just keep plugging away and see what turns up.
lol I haven't written a song for months and months now. Might try that out at some point too though.
Griz, I'm fairly near a stables yeah, but when I asked about working with the horses before they were kind of evasive. Didn't want to let a blindy loose near horses I suspect, (they seem a bit ... inexperienced as per our capabilities if you know what I mean).
Writing, well not sure I'm any good at it but I'll give it a go. Again not something I do very often, so kinda out of practice. Again though, all excelent advice, so thanks all.
Cheers,
Simon
if you can get close to horses Simon, I would advise you try to do so regularly. working with them is a great stress reliever. grooming horses might not be everyone's idea of fun, but it really gets you close to the horse, for you are acting in a way the horse understands in that they use grooming to communicate within the herd structure. some horses will even try and groom you. If this happens you are well accepted by that horse I can tell you.
Wow! I've been riding for over 14 years and never knew that, lol. Yeah, I'd thoroughly recommend horseriding. A. It gets you out in the fresh air. B. It's a very good, harmless way of just running for it without using your own legs, though sitting trot's blody painful, lollol. If you're on a really smooth, lightfooted horse, it's well worth having a canter and feeling the wind whistling past your ears, blowing all those bad cobwebs away
Jen.
sitting trot is bloody painful. try being a bloke and having that happen jen, lmao. but yeah, i do love horses
Hi Simon.
Maybe when you feel a bit down you can take some friends and go to a Greek restaurant and have a nice meal. This should make you feel better as you like Greek food. And if they have music there the music will help as well.
Also when Spring arrive you could sit outsite and listen to the birds singing. This might help you as well.
I wish you the best of luck.
damn yeah, i love bird song. sadly it's so bloody urban here we dont' get any birds hardly. well the odd seagull but that's it. i miss my buddy the collared dove that used to come say hi in the other house. Ah well, maybe one day...
Seagulls sound like they're crying. At least I think so. So, in a way, they cry for us all.
I suppose you're right. I know they're all god's creatures and all, but I still can't help but find them irritating though.
I put on some rebetika and relax, sometimes turn to my Mom and tell her about it or to my Greek friends for some language, maybe some good food, or a close nonGreek friend just to get it off my chest. I play my komboloi (worry beads) and bouzouki or baglama (musical instruments), and if I really need to be taken away from everything, I close the door and masturbate. If that last doesn't work then I'm re'e'e'eally bad and need to sleep or cry or something. But if I'm in a place where I can't do any of that, I think of those who have more problems than I, particularly a few of my friends. They really inspire me and help me pull through. If I feel totally hopeless or like nothing's gonna get better, I pray to The Gods for help.
Worry beads?
when i am having a bad day i just chill out and play mucik!!!! i think mucik helps the sol!!!!
My newly found way to let out some stress, is to put on some chill music, and just start writing. I don't even try to form sentences, or put any punctuation, just let my mind direct what I'm writing. I do this until my mind can no longer find anything to write, and at that point, I find that I feel a great burden lifted from me. This started out as an assignment for an English class, and many of the students fought it, but I really found it relaxing.
Another way to forget about problems for awhile is simply to come on here, and obviously we all do it. I often have public qn's turned off, but if I want to be distracted by mindless nonsense, I can count on public qn's. LOL I also play the two anagram games. Just rearranging letters to come up with new words takes my mind off of everything else.
Aww Becky. I came on here to get away from it all too. For the past 3 and a half years, I have been fighting against depression and anxiety. And for those of you who doubt that anxiety disorders exists, I only hope you never experience it. I still fear going to places by myself and if I feel threatened by anything, the fear just chokes me and It's hell! But I am slowly getting better at overcoming it but I couldn't have pulled through if it wasn't for my fiance. Thank you so much, Honey.
It took me a very long time to be marginally happy with my life. As some of you may know, I was disowned for a time by my family and it really effected me a lot. I still have a lot of hatred inside me for my racist family but I still can't help loving them and trying to please them still. And as crazy as it sounds, the mindless mush of the zone helped me deal with my lowest moments.
I was very unhappy in my relationship for a time and it seemed like I gained so much weight overnight. I felt disconnected from all the friends I made in high school and things got so bad that I couldn't keep up with my college work and dropped out. lol My best friend from high school was never a good confidant at all. She's always calling me up to tell me all about her troubles but still has a hard time remembering my fiance's name or anything else I try to tell her. So going on the zone gave me a sense of belonging that I couldn't find anywhere else.
Being sexygurl86, I felt like I was the girl I used to be before all the shit with my family started; confident, smart, pretty, comfortable with flirting and most of all, happy. But as I learned to accept and deal with my depression, it got extremely tiring being SG. Besides, my man started understanding me more and everything just got better and better. I never really let myself get too close to any one zoner because the one time I did, it turned out badly. lol But that's another story. *chuckles* So yes. If you stay a bit above all the drama, the zone really does help you get away from it all. Good luck with everything.
Michelle
Simon and all,
So much has been said already, and really, most everything already said, can really be a great help.
Here are my 2 cents worth though:
The one thing that helps me get through a really bad day or time, is knowing that this time will eventually end.
I know that this is easier said than done, especially if you're in the middle of a bad time.
Some times it might help if you go out for a coffee to some place, other than your home.
Just a change of environment, even if it's momentarily.
Furthermore, a good cry every once in a blue moon wouldn't hurt, if it makes you feel better, that's all that matters.
I know that this might sound rediculous to some of you, and if so, too fricking bad.
Dumping some of your sorrow onto your friends occasionally can be useful too, and even though you suggested earlier that they have their own shit, it may be true, but a real friend always has more space for his/her friend's needs.
Knowing that I have an open door to a friend, helped me through a great deal of crap in the past.
Speaking for myself, I regard it as an honour if my friends talk to me about their problems.
Many times I'm unable to give them sound advice, but the fact that someone's prepared to take the time and listen to you, should say something, not so?
And like the many others, if you should need to talk about something that's bothering you, even if it is about the price of rice in China, and I happen to be in the area, you're welcome.
My dad always says to me:
Keep your head up, and make it big!
Wow I leave this topic alone for a bit and look what happens lol. Guys seriously, thank you so much for all your advice and support, it really means a lot.
Tif, some good advice there. Certainly, as I said previously, playing music as well as listening to it helps me. And talking it over with a close friend or two is always a good thing to do. Another perspective and all that.
Margurp, not entirely sure about the concept of worry beads, although if it works for some then good on 'em, smile.
Scorp, yep, music rocks dont' it.
Daniel, great idea. That's one I'm trying soon. lol I'll need to do that soon enough anyway, as I'm thinking of starting another web site as well as Simon's Games.
Becky, hahaha yep, reckon we all do that sometimes. Anagrams can sometimes help me too. Course it can also have the opposite effect on me too, i.e do my head in lol.
Michelle, here's one who certainly know, albeit second handedly, that anxiety *does* exist and also a littel of how debilitating it can be. My sister has been suffering with that very thing for the past 12 months or more, adn I can see what it's doing to her. You're absolutely right though, things like the zone can help, as can trustworthy friends. Yeah the drama can be ... somewhat tiring on occasions, but this place has its good points too.
Quintin, great phrase, I'm so remembering that one. And some great advice too. Thanks as well mate for the offer of support, you rock.
A change of scene is a damn good idea, and something that will happen soon that's for sure. And well, this board is a good example of talking to friends about it. And wow did that work.
It's true also that crap stuff never lasts, i.e it has to change at some point. As indeed it has started to now. Trick is to hang in there and keep trying. Like your dad said huh dude, keep your head up and make it big.
Allrighty, Simon's Surmon draws to a close now lol. Thanks again guys.
Cheers,
Simon
I go home, put on some Yanni, and take a bubble bath.
smile, another great idea.
Yani is a good choice. And he is Greek lol.
Not sure who Yani is, I'm guessing music though? Maybe I'll check him out.
Hi Simon
Everyone already said most of what I wanted to say but, I'd just like to add a few things to all of this. It might not be all that relevant but, I hope it helps somewhat.
Breathe; just stand back from the delemma that you are finding yourself in. Don't look at yourself through the eyes of those that do not know you nor care about you.
And embrace change; flow with it, live to the fullest of your capacity; drink life in as if you won't have it tomorrow.
Make friends with people, be random. Strike up a conversation at the stores the next time you go and buy bread or milk.
I bought a chocolate for each of the people that was behind the counter this afternoon. there were three of them. the Cashier and two assistants. And they were so shocked but, my heart still feels warm as I'm writing this since it turned out to be the Birthday of one of them. and what did it cost me? Not much. But, I'm digressing.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
It's also during these times that you find out who your real friends in life are. It's a difficult time when people may disappoint you to the extreme.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.
My experiences taught me how it feels when people hurt me and to appreciate those people that really care for me. It ensured that I attempt to deal with people as justly as it's possible for me to do and not to hurt them in the way that others use to hurt me.
And it's difficult. People still hurt me; they still make assumptions but, I forgive them anyway for they do not really know me.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.
Simon, I know how you feel. Bad days? Have had too many of those to count.
I remember one day spacifically when my sister was on the computer, it was too early to make phone calls, I couldn't go to my grandma's, and it just seemed like nothing would go right! I just lock myself up in my room and just think. I have a password protected diary, and righting down my thoughts really helps! It even helps if you're upset with someone. Just keep calm, and write it down. Another technique I use is if I'm mad at someone, just write an email to them explaining your feelings, and write down the first thing that comes into your head. The trick is, don't send it! Writing the email alone takes a load off.
Simon, if you're having a bad day, and need someone to talk to, I'll be there.
Wow, Hanif, your post really holds a lot of meaning. I'm glad I read it. It's really made me think about some bad experiences and what I've been able to learn from them.
Download, I for one would send the email.
Ok, I'd think twice before sending the email. You could hurt the feelings of whomever you're mad at. It's not always a good idea to send emails to those you're mad at, just depends on what's being said in the email.
I agree but I believe in this:
There cannot be growth without risk.
Well, I guess that's true.
Apparently, when some people have one of those days, they go to a school or mall, take a gun or several guns with them, shoot a bunch of random people who probably did not contribute to their problems at all then shoot themselves. Goddammit, why can't people just quietly hang themselves with a belt from a light fixture like normal folks without taking anyone else out?
Hmmm! If I have a bad day, everybody knows about it unless a certain gorgeous little man's around to lighten the mood for me. He loves making me laugh, so this morning in the car with him, I was just spontaneously laughing about nothing inparticular so his face would just light up and he'd start blowing raspberries making me just, crack up, lmao. Also when I've had a bad day, I'll jsut have a soak, far too much bubble bath so they raise the roof, then just chill out in the water with a favourite cassette in the recorder or a funny program on the radio, followed by a whole stack of comfort foods and then bed.
Jen.
I dunno. I'm so even-keeled that it's rare I ahve a truly bad day. However, whenever I just feel blah, I suppose I keep in mind that it's not going to be forever and I just try to keep my mind occupied with reading e-mail or listening to some old radio shows from my collection or whatnot. My fiancee has a teenaged son who can be trying at times with his ADHD and on difficult days we split a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade at the end of the day, just to take the edge off.
When I have bad days, nobody knows about it. I just act like nothing's wrong.
not good to keep one's emotions bottles up like that.
I try to talk to friends and think that god is always with me no need to fear or worry because there's a reason why bad days or anything happens.
Troy
Music sometimes helps me, though sometimes it makes me think of stuff even more till I go crazy. I've been through loads of shit the last few months so I'm well femiliar with that now. This has all been really helpful though, cheers.
music really helps when i have a bad day. it makes me forget about everything that is going on at the moment.
So many replies to this topic still, thank you everyone. Some wonderful suggestions also. And as I said before, music is a big thing in my life, so helps me too, very much so. As do friends, god, also. What I'm finding more now as well is that books also help. I read all sorts and so if I'm not in the mood for one particular jenre I just pick something else. Not in the mood for historical fiction, out comes the aristotle, or fantasy, or web design. Very ecclectic I know.
So yeah, thanks all once again, some great suggestions and so posts here.
One of the things that helped me with stressful situations, or in situations where people are pissing me off is to come to the realization that the only person I can control is me. With that being said, if I have a situation that's bothering me, I sometimes find it best just to walk away from it for awhile if confronting it won't do any good. The passage of time often seems to help in such matters. If everything just seems like it's going wrong, and I feel like no one cares, I'll log in to this site and realize that I have it pretty damn good. My life is not consumed by online drama, I'm doing something with my life, and that life itself could be much worse. That's not to say that all zoners have no life and get consumed by online drama, but some of the very active members on here are. Escaping to any nonreality that you find pleasurable should help, whether that is tv, music, meditation, or anything else. It's really an individual thing.
More wise words Scott, nice one. And true, going away from the situation, whatever it is, is helpful sometimes. Yep, books are my escape, as is music sometimes, depends on my mood etc. Cheers for that.